Mortal Roomies
by trickrtreatn
Summary: After accidently burning down Squee's house, Zim is "convinced" by Johnny to let them both stay at his base until they can find a better place to live. To add to the inconvenience, the Resisty is after Squee.
1. Meanwhile Introduction

"Shmee?" Todd "Squee" Casil whispered to his little stuffed bear. Squee was supposed to be asleep right now, for it was the middle of that starless night. But how could he possibly sleep with these noises he kept hearing? How could he sleep when he feared that something was in his home that shouldn't be?

"Shmee? Did you hear something?" He repeated in a panic. "Shmee?"

'Look behind you,' the teddy finally replied. Squee quickly turned his head and screamed. He sat face to face with a grinning, alien monster. It had pale blue-colored skin and small yellow eyes, but more noticeable were the two large, curled horns protruding from its head. It was very scary.

"DADEEEEE! HELP!" Squee screamed, scrambling out of bed.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" His father shouted from the master bedroom. "YOU RUINED MY LIFE! NOW GO TO BED!"

Squee whimpered and backed away as the alien moved towards him.

"Be quiet," The alien hissed. He had a very odd, almost British sounding voice. "We're not going to hurt you. This is simply an abduction."

Unaffected by the alien's persuasion, Squee grabbed his pillow and held it up to his head. "Go away, go away…" He pleaded softly. This wasn't the first time and alien had wanted him as a specimen.

MEANWHILE

"Which one do you prefer?" Johnny asked, holding up two large knives. "I can't decide, so I'll give you the decision." He was speaking to a man down in his basement. The man happened to be strapped to the wall with chains that Johnny had tied probably tighter than he should have.

"You bastard! You sick faggot bastard! All I did was make a joke! You should be used to it! Just look at you!"

Johnny gave the man a cold glare, which quickly changed into a smirk. "Yes, I have gotten rather used to it all. The insults, the harassment, and especially the slaughter." He held the knives up again. "Now pick which tool you'd like me to slice you open with, or I'll simply use them both."

A muffled scream could be heard from outside the building. This was very possible, since the chamber Johnny had set this victim up in wasn't too far down. Johnny turned his head towards the sound, trying to figure out what it was. It sounded like a high-pitched scream.

"Hold on a minute," He told the gasping man. He ran up the stairs towards the main level of the house, unknowingly taking the knives with him. That scream sounded very familiar. He poked his head out of the window and peered at the house next to him.

"Squee!" He called, squinting his eyes, trying to see what was going on at Squee's house. "You okay?"

Johnny listened carefully for a reply, but heard nothing but more screaming. "Squee?" He called one last time. No answer. Johnny sighed, held his knives tightly in his hands, and ran out the door to help his neighbor.

MEANWHILE

"Which way he go? Which way he go?" The little robot shrieked, gazing down at the world through the Voot Cruiser's windshield.

"Quiet!" Zim snarled, squinting his magenta eyes, trying to remember which way the Vortian ship had gone. "I know I saw it…I know I saw a Vrot ship fly by here…"He mumbled to himself.

"Whatchyoo say?" Gir squeaked. He kept fogging up the window with his robot-breath. He used his metal finger to draw a little happy face in the fog. "Heehee!"

"THERE!" Zim made a sharper turn than was wise, sending both him and his robot crashing into the wall. Zim quickly picked himself back up. "It went there! I DO know where I'm going!"


	2. Burnination

Squee fumbled around, looking for something that he could throw at the alien; anything that would make it leave him alone. The alien continued to slowly corner Squee. It held out a potato sack. "Just jump into the sack. Don't make this more difficult. You don't want to mess with The Resisty!"

Little Squee giggled unintentionally at the name. "What's so funny?" The alien snarled, still holding the sack out to Squee.

"…Nothing…" Squee muttered nervously. He hadn't meant to insult the intruder. "S-sorry."

"Whatever," the alien snapped. "Just get in the stupid sack." Just then there was crackling sound near the window, like someone stepping on broken glass. Squee and the alien turned their glances towards the window. Squee whimpered at what he saw. The night had just gotten much more terrifying.

"The Scary Neighbor Man" had climbed through the broken window. This time the window wasn't his fault; it was the alien's. Johnny C. wore the usual black clothing, the usual boots, and carried the usually collection of knives.

"Hey Squee," he said casually, flicking a piece of glass off of his boots. He then turned to the alien (I'm just going to call him Lard Nar, since it's completely obvious by now.) holding up the knives he bore. Lard Nar didn't feel threatened by the knives, since they were never used on planet Vort. Nny's towering height made him a little nervous however.

"G-get out of the way," He spat at Nny, with as much confidence as he could muster. "You have nothing to do with this. We just need the smaller one."

Johnny ignored Lard Nar's plea and slowly walked towards him, holding the knife up high. It didn't look like Squee _or_ Lard Nar would be leaving Earth. Just as Nny was about to strike, a booming crash was heard outside of Squee's home. All three of them turned around and listened closely.

"LAND!" Gir screamed, jumping out of the Voot Cruiser and rolling around in the grass. "We're alive!"

"Of course we're alive!" Zim snapped defensively. "My piloting is FINE! FINE YOU HEAR?!"

Lard Nar snuck over to the window and peeked out, trying to see what had happened. No more than 30 seconds later, he was greeted by a large blast of flames.

"AUUGGHHH!" He screamed. He started to "stop, drop, and roll" on Squee's bedroom floor. The flame shot was followed by a little green alien that, unsurprisingly, held a large, hazardous looking cannon.

"Oh fuck there's more of them!" Johnny screamed. He started to run at Zim, knives in hand. He stopped immediately when Zim started to aim the cannon at his head.

"Best not come any closer, you revolting pile of flesh and poop!" Zim shouted maniacally. "Or I'll "burninate" (Trogdor!) you with my shiny new Flame Thrower! It spits fire!"

Gir quickly jumped into the room through the window to join Zim. "When's it my turn to play with the fire spitter?"

"Not now Gir." Zim muttered. "So YOU (points Flame Thrower at Lard Nar) better tell me what's going on. You better not be after my mission. This planet is mine!" He snarled at Lard Nar.

Lard Nar rolled his eyes, still rolling on the floor, trying to put out the fire. Johnny and Squee just stared at the two extra terrestrials. "I'm not after your mission moron. I just need the boy! This isn't your business. LEAVE!"

"NEVER! You ARE after my mission. Well I say this planet is mine! Mine! Zim's!" Zim continued to threaten Lard Nar with the Flame Thrower. Gir suddenly jumped up and snatched the weapon out of Zim's grasp.

"MY TURN!" He squeaked, spinning around, pressing all of the buttons. The Flame Thrower began to power up.

"What's he doing?!" Johnny screamed. He felt the need to protect Squee. He wanted more than anything to just slit the idiot's throat and throw the robot out the window, but he didn't like fire. "What's the robot doing?" Squee stared at the weapon with wide eyes. The Flame-Thrower had just about finished charging up.

"Gir! No! Put it DOWN! DOWN NOW!" Zim shrieked. But it was too late. The Flame thrower shot out an enormous sphere of fiery energy. Squee's room was aflame.

Thinking quickly, Johnny grabbed Squee, who held his bear close to him, and ran for the window, managing to avoid the shards of glass as he leapt out onto the dewy grass lawn. Lard Nar took out a small device that resembled a human walkie-talkie.

"Get me out of here! There's been an interference! Shut up! Just…uh…park the ship a few blocks down, I'll meet you there," Lard Nar facial expression started to relax. "And get me a Mr. Chicky Meal." Apparently the rest of the Resisty was in the Chicky Licky drive-through. And at that, he ran screaming out of the room through the bedroom door.

Zim and Gir also managed to evacuate pretty easily. They jumped out the window. No need for a great action sequence.

Johnny and Squee stood outside on the sidewalk, watching the house burn to the ground.

"Are Mommy and Daddy okay?" Squee cried, shivering. As if answering Squee's question, part of the house, the part that contained the master bedroom, collapsed to the ground.

"They had it coming anyway," Johnny replied coldly. The maniac noticed the green alien and his robot running from the house, towards a magenta colored vehicle.

"Gir, hurry up!" Zim screamed. "We CANNOT be noticed…more. You have NO idea how much trouble you're in!"

"Awww….." Gir sighed rather insincerely. "It's okay. I know how you feels. You feels bad now, but tomorrow will be worse. Tomorrow will be worse," He consoled.

"They're getting away!" Johnny shouted, running to catch up with them, still holding onto Squee. He caught up pretty easily, since he had much longer legs to run with. He run in front of the two and stared down at them angrily. "What the hell is your problem? Because of you, Squee's got no place to live!"

"Couldn't he just live with you?" Zim hissed, with a touch of annoyance. He didn't seem to fully understand the fact that a tall, insane man holding knives was enraged at him.

"Uh…" Nny nervously glanced over at his home next door. The home filled with torture devices and corpses. The home that any smart child would avoid at all costs. "No…mu house isn't…suitable for kids," He answered lamely, pointing at the slummy building.

"Well doesn't he have any friends?" Zim asked again.

Squee thought of his friend Pepito for a moment. His friend Pepito, the son of the devil, the kid who held all of hell in his basement, the only person that scared him as much as Johnny did. "No." He lied, answering Zim's question.

"You can stay with us!" Gir shrieked, clapping his hands. "We got the TV, and the basement, and me and the pig have Poker Night on Wednesdays!"

"NO!" Zim yelled, pushing Gir away from the humans. "No he cannot! YOU CANNOT! (Polite isn't he?) NO KIDS!"

"I think you _owe_ it to Squee," Johnny snarled. He held his knives close to Zim's face. "Or you can pay him back with your life."

Zim stared at the knives in Johnny's hands. He tried to remain, his old, cocky self, but this man looked pretty ruthless. He stared at the house that was "unsuitable" for Squee. "What exactly IS in there?" He asked.

"You don't want to know." Johnny replied menacingly.

"…Fine…" He twitched madly as he said this. "He can stay with us for a little while. A LITTLE while." Gir screamed and clapped as Zim painfully said all of this.

"Good," Johnny smirked. "I'll have to come to."

"NO!" Zim shouted. "Never! I'm not turning my secret base into a human…petting zoo!"

"I need to come," Johnny said, clutching his knives tightly. "because I need to look after Squee. I'm not leaving him alone with you morons."

ZIm glared at Johnny, and then sighed. "Oh okay. You BOTH can stay because I'm such a wonderful, caring ZIM! And because I value my life." Zim walked over to the Voot. "Get in back."

"Wow!" Squee blurted out. "I get to fly in a space ship and not have any of my organs removed!"

Johnny smiled at Squee's out burst and followed Zim and Gir into the ship, Squee entering last, hugging Shmee tightly.

Zim let out a defeated sigh and launched the Voot into the sky. "Let's just get home."


	3. Johnny's First Day

A/N: This chapter is sort of a silly chapter. Its only purpose is to be stupid and humorous. Not much happens. Next one will be better.

Long-Forgotten Disclaimer: I own neither Invader Zim nor JtHM. That's right. I managed to steal two of Jhonen's creation's at the same time. Truly I am great.

The four of them arrived at the base early in the morning, at around 3:00 AM, in human

time of course. Squee gaped at the misshaped, glowing house as the Cruiser approached

it, and finally took its place inside of the pointy pink roof. Zim guided them out of the

Voot chamber and into the living room.

"Hey!" Gir screamed, running around the room, pointing at various objects. "That's da

TV! And there's da couch! And the ceilings up there, but master says not to play on

there!"

Squee fearfully stared at the giant monkey portrait above the couch. What did that

monkey want? Nny scanned the room, with a look of slight distaste.

"It's kind of…gaudy…" He pondered, stroking his chin. Zim ignored both this remark

and Gir's craziness.

"The kid can sleep on the couch," Zim snapped. He glared at Johnny. "you can sleep in

the fireplace."

"But we don't have a fireplace," Gir whined, rolling around on the couch.

Zim let out an inaudible grunt, annoyed at having been corrected. "Then he can sleep

in the…uh…BATHTUB!"

"We don't HAVE a bathtub!"

Johnny gave Zim an annoyed and slightly offended look. "It doesn't matter. I don't

sleep." And at that he plopped down on the couch, turned on the TV, and made himself at

home. Gir shrieked and sat in front the screen. Squee reluctantly joined the viewers,

although he still was disturbed by the monkey. Zim rolled his eyes and went into the

kitchen, into the toilet lab entrance. The four did these things for the rest of the night.

At about 7 AM, Zim departed from his lab and stomped into the living room. "It is time

for SKOOL!" He pointed at Johnny and Squee. "Begin your scholastic preparations, for

you will have to join me in this regular exercise of normality."

"What?" Johnny shot up from the couch. "I'm not going."

"You have to," Zim replied, adjusting the black wig he wore to Skool each day. "I'm not

leaving you alone in my SECRET BASE! You'll steal my plans and clog my toilets."

"Damn!" Johnny growled at Zim. "I'm an adult! I've already suffered through public

education. I don't belong in any facility, other than possibly a mental institution."

"You are going! You do not argue with ZIM! ZIM ARGUES WITH YOU!" Zim

screamed, making very little sense. Johnny was taken aback by the alien's outburst.

"Fine, ZIM. I'll go. But I'll probably destroy every student and employee there, whether

it be mentally or physically."

"Okay, ….uh…." Zim struggled, trying to remember if he new the maniac's name.

"Johnny." Johnny hissed.

"Whatever," Zim shoved the matter aside. "We must depart. Follow me Johnny and unidentified Earthy child."

"Todd," Squee said softly.

"Todd?" Zim made a displeased face. "I don't like Todd. Give me another name."

"Call him Squee," Johnny said hurriedly, already halfway out the front door, which

happened to have a men's bathroom sign on it.

"Class," Miss Bitters announced. "We have two more parasites that have latched on to

this public education organism. Hopefully they will be easier to bear with than the last

two new students we've had." Miss Bitters was referring to Tak, an alien that was after

Zim's mission that had disguised herself as a weenie heiress, and of course, Zim.

"Introduce yourselves,"

Squee stood nervously up in front of the class. "Um, I'm Todd…I'm new…to the

school…um…I like to read and…draw…I guess…My best friend is Shmee, but he

doesn't go here…or anywhere…that's it…"

Johnny followed suite. Zim had instructed him to make the rest of the class believe he

was 10 years old, so as to blend in more easily, and Johnny intended to do just that. "My

name is Johnny, but you can call me Nny. I like movies and brainfreezies and stuffed

animals that don't taunt me with their ignorant lies. LIES!" The class stared for a

moment, but then lost interest in Johnny's odd introduction. All lost interest except

for Dib of course, who always noticed when things weren't right. He kept his thoughts to

himself though, for once.

"Thank you both for you miserable performances," Ms. Bitters looked at her seating

chart. "Todd…take the front seat by the windows, next to Dib. Johnny…take the seat by

the door, next to Zim."

Johnny growled and, almost painfully, took his seat. Squee also took his seat, glancing

nervously at Dib.

"Alright children, today we will be writing an essay titled "The Worst Thing about our

Planet". It is due by the end of the day. Talk and I'll sew your lips together. Get started."

Ms. Bitters sat back in her throne after finishing her announcement, and the class worked

on the essays until lunch.

Squee scanned the cafeteria with his gigantic eyeballs, trying to find a place to sit. The

children at this school were just as unfriendly as the children at his old school. And to

make matters worse, The Scary Neighbor Man was walking right towards him.

"Hey Squee," Johnny said cheerfully. Unlike Squee, he didn't carry a tray. Johnny didn't

like the look of the cafeteria waste. "Where ya wanna sit?"

Squee nervously shrugged. He looked around again. He saw Zim sitting in his normal

spot, all alone. Zim was the only person Squee knew, so he walked over and took a seat

and quietly began poking at his food. Johnny made a displeased moaning sound, but

followed Squee, despite his hatred of Zim. Zim glared up at the tall, skinny man.

"You."

Johnny glared back. "Me."

Dib sat across the room in his usual spot. He was about to begin his normal "Giving Zim

Dirty Looks" routine when he noticed Zim had found another "Dirty Look" partner.

"It's that Johnny guy," Dib hissed, jealously. How could Zim just replace him like that?

"Yeah, so?" Gaz growled, attention focused on her Gameslave 2.

"So…" Dib got up and walked over to Zim's table, to see what was going on.

"Hey ZIM." Dib snarled, standing at Zim, Squee, and Johnny's table. "How's IRK? Your

home, NOT EARTH, planet?"

"Fine, whatever, don't care." Zim waved off the remark and continued glaring at Nny.

Offended, Dib turned to Johnny, holding out his hand. "Hi Johnny, I'm Dib, Zim's

enemy."

Johnny looked away from Zim and shook Dib's hand, wearing an eerily cheerful grin.

"Hello. You can can me Nny."

Dib smiled. "What an asshole." He thought.

Not an exciting chapter, sorry. Next one will be better, I promise some Johnny violence. Review and stuff.


	4. Her Underrated Plan

AN: I couldn't wait. I know I should finish the Johnny skool thing, but I REALLY want to put the Resisty back in, because I think the story's getting a little boring, since skool isn't a very exciting setting. If I write this correctly, this chapter should explain a lot.

"You guys are so STUPID!" Lard Nar shrieked, pacing around the new, much smaller Vortian ship that had been chosen as the new Resisty Headquarters. "You can't do anything right! You always mess up…stuff…STUFF!" Lard Nar hung his head as he lectured his crew. "That abduction should have been simple! It was just a miniature human! Surely the Resisty can handle something as helpless as an inferior child species!"

"But boss," Spleenk replied, sounding more confused than defensive. "You were the only one involved in the kidnapping. We just drove the ship."

"…Um…" Lard Nar struggled to find a comeback. "Well…Oh I've had enough of this!" He stomped of, partly in annoyance, but mostly in pathetic defeat.

A purple female Irken strutted up to the front of the crew, taking their leader's place for the time being. "It was everyone's fault." She shook her head. "I know I've said this countless times, but the majority of you are quite stupid." She glared at her audience. "Nevertheless, it is vital that we get that human child. VITAL! We cannot let anyone stop us." 'Especially not Zim…' She added, in her thoughts. She couldn't let that idiotic defect defeat her…not again…

"HEY!" Shloonktapooxis (don't I love typing that name out) shrieked. "I still don't get it. Why do we have to get this kid?"

The Irken sighed. "Once again, I will explain it…" She stood upright, in her explaining-the-plan position. "This particular child is filled with negative energy. Filled with all kinds of evils." She held up a fancy looking pink (pink means it's Irken) device. "I've detected it with this device. I detected even more bad energy in another source, ridiculously close to this child in fact," She hung her head with shame when she said this. "However, I don't think we'd be able to handle so much evil…Anyway, If we capture this child, we can harness that evil, and use it as a weapon, against the Armada! We have the technology, yet the humans don't." She shook her head. "Pity they don't. Their planet is absolutely covered in evil energy…But I digress…We could do an amazing amount of damage with this kind of power…" She glared at Shloonktapooxis. "Do you get it now?" She hissed.

"Uh…" The cone stared at the ground. "Kinda…"

At that moment, Lard Nar scampered back in, wearing a triumphant look on his face. "It WAS your fault!" He turned to face Spleenk. "We were spotted! You should have concealed the ship! HAH!" Lard Nar made an odd gesture with his arms, almost doing a little victory jig. "It wasn't my fault!"

"Okay, you're right." Spleenk gave Lard Nar a little thumbs-up. "You're a great boss. The best we've got."

The rest of the crew muttered and nodded in agreement, turning away from the little Irken. She sighed, glaring at the crowd surrounding Lard Nar.

"Oh by the way, your little plan you made was pretty good…uh…um…" Shloonktapooxis muttered. Making no effort to remember his crew member's name, he quickly hovered back towards the crowd.

She let out an aggravated growl. "It's Tak..."

AN: Oh yuck, it's really short. I honestly thought this chapter would be longer. Anyway, hopefully the "harnessing evil" thing was clear to everyone. If not, please tell me why, and I will do my best to make it easier to understand. Please review, feedback is always helpful. I'll continue with the Johnny skool thing next chapter.


	5. Skool's Out

Read: Oh gross, another really short chapter. Sorry for the length and delay of this chapter. It was sort of hard to write. Anyway, here is your Johnny violence folks, so read and enjoy. Review too.

After an unappetizing lunch-break, the children scampered back to their classroom burrows. Dib walked into the classroom with a scowl on his face. Zim walked into the room with frown on his face. Johnny's face was blank, meaning he showed no emotion. Squee had a little mustard on his face, but before he could panic, Johnny pointed it out to him.

"Class," Ms. Bitters growled. "Your essays should now be completed. You will all take turns reading them out loud, so that the entire class can be bored by your ridiculous, undoubtedly influenced opinions."

"You said we had until the end of the day to finish." Dib pointed out.

"Silence!" Ms. Bitters snarled. "Dib, I'll have you go first, since you're already vomiting your voice into everyone's face. Get up here and speak."

Dib gulped, staring at his incomplete paper. He'd just have to improvise. He nervously got up from his desk, walked up to the front of the room, and began to read his paper.

"I believe that the worst thing about our planet is the people living in it…" He recited, not looking up from his paper. If he had, he might have noticed Johnny staring right at him, clearly interested in his chosen topic.

"People are very closed minded. They refuse to believe anything that doesn't fit completely with what is considered to be normal." That was all Dib had written. Dib's mind had wandered during the class period before lunch. This lamely explains why he only wrote 3 sentences.

"Like all of you!" He blurted out, losing all control of himself. "You just won't accept the fact that Zim is an alien! You can't stand to think that there are other beings out there, smarter, more advanced than us. You think you're all the center of the universe!"

The class groaned at this. "You're crazy!" Zita shouted, in her annoying, squeaky little monkey voice. Everyone laughed. Everyone except for Johnny that is. Squee didn't laugh either, but that's not really important.

"Weirdo!"

"Freak!"

"Alien boy!"

"Shiny pants!"

"Pointy hair!

"Stupid AUGGHH!"

Just as The Letter M was about recite his "Dib-Diss", a freshly-sharpened pencil shot through the air and stabbed him in the temple. Red fluid (blood) squirted out of the new opening like a little fountain. Only this wasn't the kind of fountain children frolicked in. It'd be really gross if kids were interested in this fountain.

Zita screamed as the Letter M collapsed to floor in a sticky red (still blood) heap. Squee squeaked a squeak of fright and hid underneath his desk. Zim observed the gore, not very sorry to have one less human to conquer. Of course, he had no idea who threw the pencil. Dib wasn't staring at The Letter M however. He stared at Johnny. Johnny had a pencil sharpener on his desk.

Johnny stared back at Dib. Their minds suddenly connected. Dib actually felt a little thankful that Johnny had defended him, although he had probably taken it a bit too far. Just as Dib opened his mouth to speak, Zita once again interjected.

"Dib actually killed someone with his craziness!"

Johnny shot up out of his seat and faced Zita.

"His craziness is not the cause of any deaths," Johnny grabbed a protractor from a nearby desk, holding it like a ninja star. "You've brought this upon yourselves. Your ignorance is ultimately your downfall." And at that, he threw the protractor right into Zita's throat, forever silencing that squeaky little voice of hers.

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" a voice boomed from the front of the classroom. The ancient teacher glided over to Johnny and grabbed his ear. Johnny struggled to free himself, but he couldn't reach any learning tools to kill Ms. Bitters with. She towered over him, making threatening hissing sounds. It seemed as though her anger went beyond words. Even Johnny, an experienced serial killer, was frightened by this. I would be too, if I weren't the one writing for the menacing schoolteacher.

There's an old, not to mention annoying, saying that would definitely apply to what happened next. Johnny was literally "saved by the bell". Right when it looked like Ms. Bitters would bite his crazy little head off, the school bell screamed bloody murder, much like the students in the classroom were doing. Distracted by the bell, Ms. Bitters gave Johnny the ability to slip out of her grasp and run like hell. Johnny fleed as the other children packed up their supplies and headed home.

* * *

Because he had escaped so quickly, Johnny had gotten home at least 15 minutes earlier than Zim and Squee. He was sitting on the couch, watching TV when the fuming little alien barged through the front door. Squee trudged in after, still shivering from the day's trauma.

"You…" Zim hissed at Johnny. He couldn't remember the last time he was this angry. "You're never leaving the base again…"

Johnny shrugged. Squee hugged Shmee.

* * *

"So kids, how was school today?" A pre-recorded Membrane on a holo-screen asked his daughter and son at dinner.

"Well, Dib made a new enemy," Gaz said sarcastically as she ate her can of beans.

"No I didn't." Dib glared back at his sister and her beans. "Johnny's not my enemy."

"What is he then?" Gaz asked. She didn't actually care of course. She just liked taunting her older brother.

"I don't know," Dib ate some more beans. "But he's definitely not an enemy."


End file.
